Crushed Butterfly
by Kurama's fire miko
Summary: I've crushed the butterfly known as love. I've lost the two most important people to me. All I can do now is reflect on it for the rest of my life or do the unthinkable. Maes Hughes x Roy Mustang one sided some Roy x Ed one sided YAOI TWOSHOT DEATH FIC


Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

**WARNING**: This contains Yaoi, mature content, death, dark, mild language, Lemon (aka sex), death and contains SPOILERS from the end of the show. I believe there is OOCness too. You be the judge for me.(You'll see what I mean later.)

Summary: I've crushed the butterfly known as love. I've lost the two most important people to me. All I can do now is reflect on it for the rest of my life or do the unthinkable. Maes Hughes x Roy Mustang (one sided) some Roy x Ed (one sided) YAOI, TWOSHOT, DEATH FIC

A/N: I got a request from **Unforgivenlove** to write a MaesxRoy fanfic so this is why this fic is here. They requested angst/tragedy so this is why it's one of my darker works. It does have a lemon, but not is such a romantic way. (No it's not rape) I really hope you like it everyone. ( Dir en Grey's Zakuro lyrics are tied in this fic too.) Forgive me for taking so long. It's just things haven't been that good with me for a while. I couldn't concentrate to even do my school work or write, but I'm slowly getting back into things. Oh I have to thank **Mayuuya Hakusho** for making me sound better then I really am as acting as my beta of sorts.

Crushed Butterfly

Chapter 1 Saku (to tear, to split)

A heart filled with an overwhelming pain. It is too much for one heart alone to bare. One would always try to find a way to escape the pain through their own ways. Whether they deal with it by slowly losing their mind, or take it out on their body. Sometimes it could be both. Yet, for a man so proud, one would think that he could handle such a thing as losing those closest to him. People underestimated the heart of that man.

He had loved only one person is his life. There was another person he could have loved if they had been given the change to spend more time together. These two people were Maes Hughes and Edward Elric. The two closest people to Roy Mustang's heart, and it would always stay that way. Roy never told anyone how he felt or what he was thinking. No, he was too proud, not wanting to show any weakness. He held more weaknesses then most people could dream of.

Roy had been in love with his friend Maes for quite a long time. Going to fight in the war, and leaving Maes proved to be harder then Roy thought it would be. He had spilled the blood of so many people, even people that didn't deserve to have their life taken away. When the war was over he ran to Maes Hughes for support. He got what he wanted for so long, yet he wondered if it was really worth it, but now Maes was gone for this world.

Then there was Edward Elric with the fire spirit. It was something about the short blond that got to the lonely man. Though he would never tell the younger one that he could have fallen in love with him. He wished he could have given into his desires for the young state alchemist while he had the chance to do so. A hug and a kiss wouldn't be so much, and it wasn't impossible that Ed would accept him as his lover, yet now it was too late for any of those thoughts.

Roy knew long ago he could never have Hughes for he knew the other had a girlfriend, who later became his wife, and the other fact was that he was straight. Roy was still unsure why he fell in love with another male, for he did believe he liked females before. However, no female had captured his heart like Maes had, and no female ever would. He began to think he did like males more when he began to fall for the older Elric brother, and not Riza who wanted his heart.

All this on top of his work seemed to wear on his mind, tearing it apart slowly. How could anyone understand what he had been going through with his broken love life and his work threatening to kill him. The answer is that no one could truly understand, with the thought of him as a strong person who could handle anything. Well, he was a strong person to make it so far in life, yet they were wrong about the later. Roy, whether he wanted to believe it or not, was sinking into depression, and no one could even see it to help stop it.

Roy, soon after Ed's "passing," took post in a cabin out in the middle of nowhere. His whole unit was very surprised to say the least. They really never thought that Mustang would take losing Ed so badly. They let him go without much argument, making it one of the most worse decisions they ever could have made. Mustang spent his time in the cabin all alone, reflecting over his life. What he had done wrong, what he wished he could change, and what he wished his life to be like. All the raven-haired alchemist was doing was pulling up the scabs to the old wounds.

He just fell faster into the dark depths by himself, with writing one of the first ways to get the feelings out. He wrote poems, stories, and song lyrics, anything that could get the harmful feelings out of his body. They became darker and more depressing the longer he stayed in the cabin. Roy looked down at the finished paper in his hands. The ink was fresh on the crisp white sheet with the new lyrics he had written. He read the paper out loud going over his work.

"I screamed out your name

even my voice will probably never reach you

but you know, now I'm okay with that.

some day in my heart you'll be...

I'll dream tonight, dreams of you.

because of that letter I put under my pillow

my dreams are too cruel, my breath is cut off

I always painfully awaken at four in the morning

time is too long

time is too painful

the dreams don't stop

love freezes to death

on a cold night

on this long night

my consciousness splintered and powdered

memories scattered about

holding your ring so tightly that my tears wet the pillow

so I couldn't hear it, I blocked my ears to your voice

one more scar added to my wrist

melting into the wound... you

I am breaking burning the letter it's reduced to ash

I am breaking destroy my heart its reduced to ash

I am breaking losing you I love you."

Roy grinned at his work as he placed the lyrics in a folder that his reports were supposed to be held in, yet all it held was his writing. It was unavoidable now; Roy was losing his mind, and bound to bring his body along with him. He ran his fingers through his dirty black hair repeating the lyrics to himself wondering what it would feel like to cut his own skin that way. He wanted to watch the blood pour out, to feel the rush, to make his pain real, not just in his mind alone.

Once again, he was overwhelmed by only a feeling. He reached over for the letter opener on the desk he was sitting at. His eyes looked at the somewhat dull blade he held in his hand. It shined and glinted, fascinating him farther. He was tempted by the blade. He wanted the pain all the more. It charmed him in ways he didn't know was possible.

His body wanted to shake, but he couldn't shake off his anticipation. He moved the blade over his wrist lightly pressing it against his skin. He let the letter opener slash his wrist. Soon fresh deep red blood began to run from the small gash. It dripped out onto the desk forming a small pool.

Roy only watched trying to focus on the pain. He brought all the pain in, drinking up the feeling. Slowly, he slashed his arm more, making the cuts deeper each time. The dark, velvet liquid poured onto the desk. Dropping the letter opener he tried to stand yet, he only got a dizzy feeling. He grabbed any object he could to help him keep his body up.

He fell onto the floor, almost missing the towel he had reached for. He pulled himself into a sitting position then wrapped the towel tightly around his arm to stop the bleeding. He sat in silence with his back to the bed. The now wrapped arm in his lap throbbed with pain and heat. He didn't dare to try to pick his body up off the floor.

"I would be stronger if only I had you Maes," Roy weakly whispered.

Roy's vision became hazy as he looked off at something no other would see. Slowly he shifted to lie down on the floor closing his eyes.

It was raining, and his emotions where flaring up again. A younger Roy with a pained face walked down the side of the road. He knew where his feet were taking him. It was only a short time ago since the war had ended. Roy was still distraught.

He stood outside of Hughes' home. He knew he should have called first, rather than just show up late at night. Roy knocked on the door loudly a few times, and he waited for someone to answer. He needed to see Maes right now; he needed his comfort.

Roy had killed during that war. So many innocent souls had died by his hands. The guilt was too much on his young heart. The door opened showing a very tried and shirtless Maes Hughes. Roy was a bit speechless at that point.

"Roy, I'm sure you must have a good reason for being on my doorstep this late while it's raining," came Maes tired voice.

Roy began to think it was mistake, yet when Maes put a warm hand on his shoulder he was relived. The other man pulled him inside without a second thought.

"You look like a drowned cat, Roy. Geez, what did you think you were doing standing out in the rain?"

Maes didn't wait for Roy to answer as he headed towards the closet, and pulled out some towels. He walked back to Roy just looking at the other's pained and sorrowful expression. Hughes frowned at the other man.

"Well hurry, and undress before you get sick," he smiled, handing the other man the towels. Roy only nodded as he shed his soaked clothing. He began to dry off with the towels wrapping one around his waist and the other draped around his shoulder. Hughes picked up Mustang's things, hanging them up in the kitchen to dry.

Maes knew something was wrong with Mustang. He had not spoken to him at all. He was worried about his best friend. Well, Roy had been pretty upset since the war. He seemed to be dealing with it in his own way.

"Come on, I'll let you borrow something to wear," he said turning to talk to his room.

"Maes you don't have to," Roy said quietly while he followed.

Hughes was a bit surprised that Mustang had talked. Still, since he was coming with him, that he must have meant he was okay with it. He opened the door to his room, letting both of them inside. It seemed his room was a bit of a mess. He gave a chuckle to Roy.

"Just take a seat anywhere," he said, going to his closet. He began to mumble to himself trying to find something for Roy to wear.

Roy walked up behind Maes wrapping his arms around his waist. He felt the other stiffen against him.

"I need you Maes," he whispered in the other's ear.

"What in the hell kind of joke is this, Roy?"

Roy held tighter hoping for the best. He wasn't sure how the would work out. He just wanted for his friend not to hate him for this. He griped the other tighter as if he was losing Hughes. He loved him more then his own life, and he couldn't let that happen.

"Please Maes, I love you," Roy almost sounded like he was pleading against the back of Maes' neck.

Hughes didn't know what to think. Mustang had just... It was hard to think. It saddened him greatly to hear it. He loved his girlfriend, and there wasn't anyway he could return Roy's feelings. He pulled Roy's arms off of him. He turned to see the other's hurt expression that made his heart clench.

Maes knew he couldn't leave his friend like this. He would surely fall apart if he did. Roy was seeking his comfort. He really needed it to get back to his normal self. How could Maes refuse him when he was in this state of depression.

He wrapped his arms around Roy, and began to stroke the other's back. He wanted to calm Mustang down as best as he could. He was still a little worried how far he and Roy were going to take this comfort. Maes was a truly a kind hearted person to help his friend like this.

Roy melted into Maes' touch, and shivered in weakness. He didn't expect this, and he knew it was only pity on Maes' part. Still, he was willing to take what the other man was giving him. He wrapped his arms around the taller man's strong back. Roy felt warm all over, something that he hadn't felt in a long time.

Roy faintly whispered the other man's name in the crook of Maes' neck, but it didn't go unnoticed.

"Roy, I'll do this for you, but only tonight. I love my girlfriend. I'm sorry this is all I can give you."

"I understand," his voice showed no emotion, yet his face did. However, it could not be seen.

Hughes sighed deeply as he made Roy look at him. Roy looked at him expecting something, so Maes gave in. He leaned towards Roy giving a gentle kiss. The other reacted closing his eyes and put all his emotions into the kiss. Roy truly had bliss now.

Maes, even though this was very different for him, went along with it, giving Roy his passion. The two began to heat up as their tongues battled each other for dominance. Roy began to move back towards the bed until the back of his legs hit it. He made himself fall back pulling Hughes with him. The stopped what they were doing at looked into the other's eyes.

When Maes nodded Roy arched up his body into Maes' wanting all of him.

A/N: Well that is the first chapter. LEMON in the next chapter so if you want more I do hope I get good reviews for it.


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